Today was Zach's 21st birthday. I didn't feel like getting up out of bed, and I didn't feel like doing anything at all today. I tried as long as I could to lay in bed and mope, but with an active one year old, that's near impossible. After I finally gave in, I came and lay on the couch in the living room while Rea watched cartoons. I got to talk to Zach this morning, and it was wonderful. He makes my days so much brighter, even when I feel like shit. Today was one of those days, one of those days that I really really wished Zach was home. I really wanted to do something special for him. I really wanted him to have a wonderful birthday expirence. He said he got to play basketball for a little while today, and that made me feel a little better. Because I know that he loves basketball. If it were up to him, he would play basketball for a living. For father's day, we bought him a basketball. I was in the kind of mood to complain and whine all day. So every little thing bothered me today. I have come to HATE when people act like they know what it's like, I HATE when people who have never been away from their husbands or family for any period of time try to give me advice. I am doing amazing, in my eyes anyway. I haven't broken down, I haven't let this ruin my days. Sometimes I think about everything that has happened in the last few months, and I am so proud of my little family. We are stronger than ever, even though Zach isn't here. I am a whole different person now, a year ago, I would have cried my eyes out, all day everyday for a week. Six months ago, I would have ran home, without taking care of anything. I am proud to be an army wife, proud to say that I can handle situations like this. I have to say, that I am dreading Zach and I's first anniversary. I don't want it to come. Today was tough, but our anniversary is gonna be 100 times more tough. I married Zach on July 28, 2010 in Kotzebue. It was a wonderful day, I spent the morning cooking and Zach spent the morning playing with Rea, talking with my dad, and sleeping. I loved every last bit of that day. I just keep trying to look forward to next year, when we have a real wedding. Then the years after that, when we are sick of each other, and fighting over who has to cook dinner, and everything that old married couples do. I never knew a love like the love that I get from my husband. He makes me feel so special, and beautiful, even when I haven't showered and just worked out. He knows exactly what to say to make my day better. Sometimes I think about him, and cry happy tears because I got so lucky. I know it's silly, but when he calls and I know it's him, I get instant butterflies as soon as he says "hey babe" Even if we only get to say hello, and that we love each other, I cherish every phone call. I don't konw how I will react the first time I miss his call. I need to head to bed, we are going to the lake tomorrow to have a picnic for my early going away party. I am excited, even though i'll probably feel like im melting. I don't know how long we will last in the sun out there!
Dear Deployment,
Today you can suck it. Extra puke on you today. Thanks deployment for ruining Zach's 21st birthday. Next year though, we will make up for it. Big time. I'm not in the greatest mood tonight, but I didn't lose it today, so I still win. Eat your heart out deployment, becuase I won't break. Love, Elsa...
Happy Birthday Zach, I love you!
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