Love my husband

Yesterday was Zach and I's first anniversary. I was more emotional than previous days, but I didn't cry. I was happy that I got to talk to Zach more than normal. He called four times! I am so happy and blessed that Zach and I have been married for the last year. He makes me happier than I have ever been, and even though he is a bazillion miles away, he still makes me smile in my darkest hour. He reminded me that I should be happy to be married. Rather than being sad that he isn't here to celebrate. This week was rough, not only was it just the begining, his birthday was this week, and yesterday was our anniversary. I didn't cry, but I was sad. I also think that part of the reason that I have been so tired is because I am emotionally tired. I have had such an emotional couple of weeks, even though I haven't been breaking down and showing all my crazy emotions, I feel every little thing. Sometimes when I am cooking, or cleaning or doing an everyday thing, and something goes wrong, I cry. Not because something went wrong, but because it's a "reason" to cry. I feel like I can't cry in front of Rea, so if something happens wrong, I cry a little. Just to let my heart feel better. It helps, even if I just shed one tear. I am the kind of person that cried as a kid and teenager. I cried ALL the time. My sisters could make me cry just by saying "cry, cry Elsa, you haven't cried today". My skin is slowly getting thicker though, becoming a mom and then a wife, I started learning how to control my emotions.

I remember the week that Zach and I got married. It was amazing, he got to kill a turkey and cook it all by himself. I cooked almost everything else, on my own. My mom watched and so did Rea and Zach. My dad came to Kotzebue, which he rarely did. He and Zach got to converse a lot, if you know my dad, you know he LOVES telling stories. Zach loves to listen, he's very entertained by my dad. My dad has so many amazing things to say. On the morning of our wedding, we woke up and finished all of the cooking and that day, was the first time I put Rea on the toilet to poop! She was only six months old, but she has a really obvious poop face, so when she started the face, I rushed her to the potty! When everything was finally done, I got to shower and get dressed. I remember being so content, and not nervous. I was so happy to be able to call him my husband! When it came time to go to the court house, Ariana and Saima picked flowers from my mom's "garden" for a boquet. I didn't know how I was going to feel when it came time to really get married, but I was calm and collected. With a HUGE smile on my face! We headed to the court house, me in jeans, a white top, and mukluks. Zach in jeans, a nice shirt, and moose hide slippers! It was awesome. When the judge was ready to start, I blocked out everything else that was going on and concentrated on only Zach. As our wedding went on, everything was perfect until Zach couldn't say my name! My emotions were running on high, and when he couldn't spit out "Elsa Ruth" I giggled and became so much more relaxed. I had never been so sure about anything in my life. After the wedding we ate and ate and ate. I was so stuffed, I had to get out of my outfit. We had some of our closest friends and my family over, and we relaxed. When it came time for bed, I was exhausted, but so happy, because I was finally Mrs. Carroll and I was so proud!

Dear deployment,
you suck. end of story. Love, Elsa..