so excited!

Maija and Saima left for Dallas today!! They don't get there until tomorrow evening, but they did LEAVE! I can't wait until they get here, I can't wait to have some help moving!! Today, I moved a few more things from my house to Chrissy's, but I had Rea the WHOLE time. It was pretty tough, and I have to say that I really really missed Alaska today. I saw at least ten MEN today, who were STARING at me. Starting at me struggle to carry heavy boxes and I'm sure they could hear Rea SCREAMING, becuase that's what she did the whole time. It was frustrating to see them stare the way they did. I thought Texas had real "southern hospitality" and the military was full of "gentleman" YEAH RIGHT. I carried my boxes and bags and baby from my house to my car, and then again from my car into Chrissy's house. If I someone who looked like they were struggling, I would help, maybe not if I had Rea but, I would help if I could and if Zach were here, I would have MADE him help someone. I feel like if my husband isn't doing anything important and I see someone who needs help, it's common courtesy to help. In my eyes anyway, apparently not in the eyes of all of the people stationed here. After moving more boxes, Rea and I had pizza for dinner and hung out at Chrissy's. I really really really can't wait until tomorrow! I just keep thinking about that!

Dear Deployment,
I think because of you, people are ass holes. Becuase of you people are bitter and don't care about other people. That makes me sad, because I come from a place where everyone cares about everyone. You can't change that about me. I will always win in that aspect! Love, Elsa..

I love it when

forget about food that I put in the fridge or freezer. Sometimes I will make cheesecake and while I am impatiently waiting for it to cool I find something else to do and I forget what I was waiting for. When my tummy starts a rumblin' I head back to the fridge/freezer to find something to devour, and to my surprise, there is a giant cheesecake sitting right in front of me, practically begging me to eat it. Anyway, today Brittany and I went to a couple of garage sales. Someone was selling "magic bars" or 7 layer bars, which I happen to LOVE. I don't even like chocolate really, but the mixture of chocolate, and coconut, and whatever else is in it, makes it uh-maze-ing! It was a little over 100 degrees this afternoon, which meant that it was melting. So I put it in the freezer, only meaning to leave it in there for 10 minutes. Between Rea running crazy and the TV blaring and facebook stalking, I forgot about it! I made lunch, and played with Rea. Then I put her down for a nap and relaxed. Still not realizing that I have a delicious, homemade, "magic" bar hiding in the freezer. After Rea's nap, I made dinner, and I had put a Sunkist in the freezer while Rea was asleep so I could drink it during dinner. I reached into the freezer and pulled out the Sunkist, still not seeing the decadant bar, two inches from the Sunkist. After our tummies settled, I took Rea to the park, even though it was 100 degrees. We lasted about an hour, before I couldn't handle chasing Rea around anymore! I felt like I was sweating buckets! When we got home, Rea and I shared a popcicle. A popcicle from the same freezer that my magic bar was hiding in! Rea got sleepy soon after coming home from the park, but of course, she had to have her tickle time before bed. She gets cranky before bed, but as soon as we get into bed and it's time to go to sleep, she gets giggly and silly. Zach taught her how to say "tickle tickle" even though it sounds more like "ticka ticka" I LOVE IT! I don't know how I am going to sleep on our drive back to Alaska.. Maybe thats a good thing, maybe I will just drive non-stop until we get there. Yeah right, who am I kidding? I need sleep, I would sleep all the time if I could! Okay, back to my story! After Rea was sound asleep, I came back into the living room and turned on Project Runway. As I lay on the couch, basking in my fatness, wishing I could eat a peice of cake. Then it struck me! I had a chocolatey coconutty peanut buttery delicous bar in the freezer! I hopped off of the couch, probably with the most spunk I have had in the last week. I know that I have what some people call breast feeding brain, and I forget simple things and I can't spit out what I want to say the way I want to say it sometimes. But how did I forget about that for so long?! Thank goodness I did, because I found it at the perfect time. Now my tummy is happy and I am going to SLEEP!!

Dear Deployment,
Even though I didn't get to talk to Zach on the phone today, I know he is safe. We got to chat a little (= Because he is somewhere new, he accidentaly went to the place to go on the internet instead of the phone. He told me something today that gave me butterflies. "I love you more and more with each passing second" He always brightens my day, or night! Now if I feel down, I will think to myself, he loves me more now, than he did just a second ago and that will always bring my mood up. Simple things like that are what make me so much stronger. Love, Elsa...

I love my family

Only a couple of days before Maija and Saima get here!! I am so excited! They had a bread and jam/jelly sale today! Them along with a couple of other friends make a bunch of jam and jelly and bread and doughnuts and other various items. Maija texted me a little over an hour after the sale started, to tell me that they sold out!! I couldn't believe it! This brought a teeny tiny tear to my eye, becuase I was so happy and proud to be from Kotzebue and to have friends and family like them. Today and the chili feed makes Maija and I's drive up to Alaska much less stressful. Zach got to call this afternoon, to tell me that he was waiting for his plane and he doesn't know when he's gonna get the chance to call again. Hopefully sooner rather than later (=

Besides the bake sale in Kotzebue, I packed a lot up, and after Rea took her nap I brought her to Brittany and Mason's house so I could move some stuff. It was nice, becuase I didn't have to worry about Rea pulling everything out as I put it in. And I got to take a nice shower without worrying about her! As I was packing up the rest of my clothes, I came across one of Zach's t-shirts. My heart dropped, and then I smelled it. I broke down, for the first time since he left. I completely broke down, and lay on my bed and cried. For the first time since the night he left, I couldn't hold it in. Rea wasn't there to keep me from crying. No one was there to stop me from having that single moment. The moment that I can't hold in forever. I needed that I think, even though it was really rough and it took me a while to regain composure. I laid on my bed for a good 10-15 minutes just holding his dirty t-shirt. Basking in the smell of his cologne, missing the nights that we would go to bed and I would complain about him not showering or changing before hand. Now I would give anything to smell him again. Even if he hadn't showered for a week and spent everyday in 120 degree weather.

After regaining my composure, I picked Rea up and came back to Chrissy's. She took a nap, and then we made a short trip to the commissary, and I sold the fish tank and TV stand. Now she's fast asleep after fighting her. She wouldnt' fall asleep tonight. She would lay down, and roll over. Then giggle, and look at me, it was super cute, but I just wanted her to fall asleep so I could have my little bit of personal time! After she's asleep, I get my little  bit of time to blog and stalk facebook! I also get to eat popcicles without having to share! Every momma needs some personal time everyday. Even if it's just a few minutes.

Dear deployment,
Today was the first time that I broke down. Today you beat me for a few minutes. You didn't win today, but I did lose it for a minute. I love Zach so much, and I will wait for him, forever if I have to. He couldn't have called at a more perfect time, and even though I tried to mask my sadness, he knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. He always knows, exactly what to say or do to make me feel better. For that and many many other reasons, you can't ruin our relationship. Love, Elsa..

Love my husband

Yesterday was Zach and I's first anniversary. I was more emotional than previous days, but I didn't cry. I was happy that I got to talk to Zach more than normal. He called four times! I am so happy and blessed that Zach and I have been married for the last year. He makes me happier than I have ever been, and even though he is a bazillion miles away, he still makes me smile in my darkest hour. He reminded me that I should be happy to be married. Rather than being sad that he isn't here to celebrate. This week was rough, not only was it just the begining, his birthday was this week, and yesterday was our anniversary. I didn't cry, but I was sad. I also think that part of the reason that I have been so tired is because I am emotionally tired. I have had such an emotional couple of weeks, even though I haven't been breaking down and showing all my crazy emotions, I feel every little thing. Sometimes when I am cooking, or cleaning or doing an everyday thing, and something goes wrong, I cry. Not because something went wrong, but because it's a "reason" to cry. I feel like I can't cry in front of Rea, so if something happens wrong, I cry a little. Just to let my heart feel better. It helps, even if I just shed one tear. I am the kind of person that cried as a kid and teenager. I cried ALL the time. My sisters could make me cry just by saying "cry, cry Elsa, you haven't cried today". My skin is slowly getting thicker though, becoming a mom and then a wife, I started learning how to control my emotions.

I remember the week that Zach and I got married. It was amazing, he got to kill a turkey and cook it all by himself. I cooked almost everything else, on my own. My mom watched and so did Rea and Zach. My dad came to Kotzebue, which he rarely did. He and Zach got to converse a lot, if you know my dad, you know he LOVES telling stories. Zach loves to listen, he's very entertained by my dad. My dad has so many amazing things to say. On the morning of our wedding, we woke up and finished all of the cooking and that day, was the first time I put Rea on the toilet to poop! She was only six months old, but she has a really obvious poop face, so when she started the face, I rushed her to the potty! When everything was finally done, I got to shower and get dressed. I remember being so content, and not nervous. I was so happy to be able to call him my husband! When it came time to go to the court house, Ariana and Saima picked flowers from my mom's "garden" for a boquet. I didn't know how I was going to feel when it came time to really get married, but I was calm and collected. With a HUGE smile on my face! We headed to the court house, me in jeans, a white top, and mukluks. Zach in jeans, a nice shirt, and moose hide slippers! It was awesome. When the judge was ready to start, I blocked out everything else that was going on and concentrated on only Zach. As our wedding went on, everything was perfect until Zach couldn't say my name! My emotions were running on high, and when he couldn't spit out "Elsa Ruth" I giggled and became so much more relaxed. I had never been so sure about anything in my life. After the wedding we ate and ate and ate. I was so stuffed, I had to get out of my outfit. We had some of our closest friends and my family over, and we relaxed. When it came time for bed, I was exhausted, but so happy, because I was finally Mrs. Carroll and I was so proud!

Dear deployment,
you suck. end of story. Love, Elsa..

Im always so sleepy

I have been doing really well, keeping myself busy and finding things to do on a daily basis, but today I was TIRED! I did not want to wake up when Rea did, but I dragged my booty out of bed and lay on the couch. Zach got to call this morning, it was amazing to hear his voice, we got to talk for a little over twenty minutes, which is a record for us! Usually he calls and we talk just long enough to say that we love each other and that we miss each other. The second that Rea started showing signs of sleepyness, I rushed into the bedroom and put her to bed! Not soon after, I crashed, and crashed hard. I didn't think we would sleep very long, but when my eyes finally decided to open, it had been two hours! Rea was still asleep, I was amazed. After some wiggling, Rea woke up. She is always super happy when she wakes up! I love it, she makes me see the world in a whole different way. I decided that I couldn't spend my entire day layiing around, so I went to my house and turned on cartoons for Rea. I needed to pack my Tupperware stuff in a single box so that I could take it all the way to Kotzebue and sell stuff! Of course Rea was more interested in "helping" me than watching cartoons. I was getting so frustrated with her, because I really wanted to fit everything in the one box. Everytime I put something in there she would pull it out and smile really big. It was funny, but a lot more frustrating. After fighting with her for a while, I finally got everything in the box and I closed it. I also packed a lot of other things as well. Today ended up being a lot more productive than I thought it would be. Rea and I made a trip to Wal-Mart to find some dinner, and I also got stuff to make bruschetta for the Deployed Spouse Support Group. After a late dinner, and a late skype with Zach's family, I put Rea to bed. Now I am watching Rivals and enjoying my mommy time. I am thinking about making a sun drop commercial when I go home! Wouldn't it be fun?

Dear Deployment,
Today started out in a funk, but ended productive (= I got a nice long phone call from my husband and even though technically it's our anniversary to him, i'll wait until tomorrow to talk about our love, and be sappy, and sad. I hate you for making us spend our first anniversary apart, couldn't you just wait a couple of weeks! Geez, no respect! Love, Elsa..

day trippin, Ausin!

Austin, is a little over an hour drive from Fort Hood, and Brittany invited me to come with her and Dave for the day. They had originally planned on taking the kids to the dinosaur museum, and the GPS was taking us a really weird way. I felt like we went the super long way! Instead of going to the dinosoar museum, we went parked downtown and started walking. After a few minutes of indecisive talking, we were drawn to the capital building. It was interesting, but not so much for two one year olds. There was a guy sitting in the middle of the building, yelling some verses from the bible. I'm not exactly sure what he was saying though, becuase there was so many other things going on. After walking around the capital building, we went outside to brave the heat again. We walked and mingled into some interesting shops. We found the Austin visitor's center, everywhere we looked, we saw Texas Longhorns! They even had ice trays and muffin pans in the shape of Longhorns! The person at the information desk, encouraged us to go to the kids museum of Austin. We walked there, and let the kids run wild for a while! Rea was so happy to be out of her stroller and carseat. She and Mason were automatically drawn to the slide. They went a couple of times, but I took Rea to see something else, and Mason was so entertained by the slide, no matter where Brittany and Dave took him, he ran back to the slide. There were lots of interesting things for the kids to play with, including a mock train station, grocery store, and kitchen. There were lots of activities that used golf balls, and plenty of other toys for tots. After the museum, we had to eat. The guy at the information desk had reccomended going to Annie's. He said it would be good "for all of us". This place was not kid friendly, I was surprised that they had high chairs! They didn't have any kind of kid food, but I ordered Rea mashed potatos. They were amazing! It reminded me of the mashed potatos that my mom makes. I had a cesar salad with grilled salmon, and it was amazing as well. After eating, we headed back to our cars and started the drive back home. I went home, to change and now I am at Chrissy's, watching Teen Mom and relaxing. Rea is asleep. It's nice.

Dear Deployment,
I would have loved to have Zach here today. It was amazing hanging out with Brittany and her family, but it was a little sad at the same time, because Brittany had her husband, and more importantly, Mason had his daddy. Less than a week though, and my sisters will be here!! I am excited to see them and have some help with Rea. When we are through with you, Zach and I will be able to do family things again. I look forward to that, and I look forward to having my husband back. Love, Elsa...

failed attempts don't ruin my day!

Rea woke up today in a really good mood, even though she didn't sleep well. She was happy to wake up at Chrissy's house, but after a little bit of playing alone, she looked around and her face changed completely. She realized that Cameron and Chrissy weren't here! It was so cute, but kind of sad at the same time. I didn't think she would notice things like that so quick. Even her dad being gone, I thought she would think he was at work all day, but she knows. She knows when we go to bed that he's not gonna come to bed with us. Every night, she turns away from me and faces where her dad used to lay. She has been doing it since she could roll over. I love it, when Zach is there, she faces him and touches his chest and falls back asleep. It's beautiful, and amazingly wonderful.
After forcing myself off the couch, we headed home and showered up. Brittany, Dave, and Mason came over and bought our couch. Then we decided that we were going to the Splash park so that the kids could wear themselves out. When we got there though, the water was turned off and when Dave asked someone about it, they said it "just turned off" We decided not to wait around with the fussy kids, and headed back on post to go to the pool. Brittany and Dave got there before me, because I had to put an actual swimsuit. When I got there, I started putting sunscreen on Rea, but I heard a whistle blow. The lifeguard told everyone to get out of the pool. Apparently a baby spit up some pool water and they had to close it for a half hour. By this time, Rea was so antsy because she loves water. We ended up taking the kids to Brittany's and just letting them play in the sprinkler. When they were done, I took Rea home and let her play in the tub extra long. I packed a little more, while Rea watched cartoons, and right when I was about to start doing the dishes, Rea got cranky. I didn't really feel like cooking, so I took the easy way out. I made chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese. Rea has been not eating as much as I would like her, she has been closing her mouth to everything I give her. I thought that maybe if I let her feed herself she might eat more. She is getting to that stage where she has to do everything by herself. It's making me crazy, I feel like I have to bathe her twenty seven times a day! She is such a messy eater, but I knew that would happen. That is the one thing she took after me! After dinner, I did the dishes and came back to Chrissy's house. Rea was almost ready for bed, but I made her stay up for a little while, because I don't want her to wake up at 6 am. We got to skype with Zach's family, it was nice to see a couple of them again, but Rea was cranky and she would not sit still for ANYTHING! I even tried to feed her cake! I put her to bed, and I am watching all the shows Chrissy had set to record. Including Surprise Homecoming, which means I am also bawling my darn eyes out. I need to learn how NOT to watch this show. Seriously.

Dear Deployment,
No phone call from Zach today because of you. Oh well though, because I will always know that no news is good news. and I always know that he loves us. I don't have to worry about him, and he shouldn't worry about me. It's not that easy, but we try. I look forward to my sisters coming and moving home. But not nearly as much as I look forward to kicking your ass.. Love, Elsa...

Lake, cake, and true blood

Today was my "going away" thing. Chrissy, Brittany, Dave, Keren, Shawn, the kids, and I went to the lake to grill hot dogs and swim the day away. Rea woke up freakishly late this morning, so I had time to shower all by myself for the first time since Zach left. It was nice, but I would rather shower with Zach and Rea then shower alone. It was nice to have time to fix my hair though, if you know me, you know that my hair is always a mess. I french braided it in the front and put it in a pony tail. We came over  to Chrissy's house so that we could ride with her to the lake in her van. Of course we were running late, I feel like I am never on time now that I have a child. We got to the lake around noon, and headed straight for the water, but as we were walking down, Dave was walking back up. Apparently the life guards needed a break. We suffered in the sun with antsy kids until the break was over. As soon as the whistle was blown we took the kids to the water. Rea loved it. She loves water, if I let her, she would sit in the bath tub all day long. Cameron and Mason were more interested in the sand and running away from their mommies. There are only certain places where we could swim, and there were minnows everywhere. Keren and Brittney kept getting tickled by them. They didn't come near me and Chrissy as much, I think because we were constantly moving with the kids. It wasn't a big deal until we saw a big black "thing" in the water. Then a little head stuck out! Then, it went back under water! We came running out of the water after that. I think it was a turtle, but we can't be sure because it wasn't close enough to us. Thank goodness! After the turtle, Dave started cooking the hot dogs and we started snacking on chips and other things. I had made macaroni salad last night, but we forgot forks. So when I went to rinse my feet off, I asked the little shop. They told me "we only have limited supply, I can't give them to you" So we didn't get to eat macaroni salad while we were there. We hung out, for a while, but it was nasty hot out and the kids were fussy, so we started getting ready to leave. We had planned on hanging out there all day, but thought we would only last an hour. We ended up being there for about three and a half hours. When we came back to Chrissy's, she put the macaroni salad in the fridge and as soon as it was cool enough I ate a huge bowl. I love macaroni salad, I will be eating it for lunch everyday this week! Chrissy leaves to Michigan tomorrow, and I wont be able to see her and Cameron before we head back up to Alaska.  I'm gonna miss them, Rea is gonna miss them too. We made a carrot cake, and Chrissy and I both ate two huge pieces. Now we are watching True Blood while the babies sleep, I am gonna stay the night here. She leaves super early and I am gonna stay here anyway so I can fully empty my house and clean it. Thank goodness for good friends. Zach got to call earlier and he sounded well. I read a blog about a lady who's husband passed away in Afghanistan. Reading things like that terrifies me. I need to not read things like that, but I am drawn to reading about other women's experiences and how they cope with what happened. Sometimes I cry, just because, and I think that's okay. I think it's okay to break down every once in a while. I tear up when I watch commercials for surprise homecoming shows. I'm so emotional when Zach is gone. I feel like I did when I was pregnant, like someone could say a simple word and i'll just cry, just because. I hope I sleep well tonight, I have been having a tough time feeling like I slept really well. When I wake up, I still feel tired, and most days I feel groggy all day. Hopefully I will be better once i'm back home.

Dear Deployment,
I would appreciate getting some sleep please (= I know your out to ruin people and make family members of soldiers lives crazy. I guess even if you don't let me sleep, you won't ruin me. I'll still win, I will still be madly in love with my husband when he comes home. Goodnight deployment, you suck. Love, Elsa...

watching Honey, an all time favorite!

Today was Zach's 21st birthday. I didn't feel like getting up out of bed, and I didn't feel like doing anything at all today. I tried as long as I could to lay in bed and mope, but with an active one year old, that's near impossible. After I finally gave in, I came and lay on the couch in the living room while Rea watched cartoons. I got to talk to Zach this morning, and it was wonderful. He makes my days so much brighter, even when I feel like shit. Today was one of those days, one of those days that I really really wished Zach was home. I really wanted to do something special for him. I really wanted him to have a wonderful birthday expirence. He said he got to play basketball for a little while today, and that made me feel a little better. Because I know that he loves basketball. If it were up to him, he would play basketball for a living. For father's day, we bought him a basketball. I was in the kind of mood to complain and whine all day. So every little thing bothered me today. I have come to HATE when people act like they know what it's like, I HATE when people who have never been away from their husbands or family for any period of time try to give me advice. I am doing amazing, in my eyes anyway. I haven't broken down, I haven't let this ruin my days. Sometimes I think about everything that has happened in the last few months, and I am so proud of my little family. We are stronger than ever, even though Zach isn't here. I am a whole different person now, a year ago, I would have cried my eyes out, all day everyday for a week. Six months ago, I would have ran home, without taking care of anything. I am proud to be an army wife, proud to say that I can handle situations like this. I have to say, that I am dreading Zach and I's first anniversary. I don't want it to come. Today was tough, but our anniversary is gonna be 100 times more tough. I married Zach on July 28, 2010 in Kotzebue. It was a wonderful day, I spent the morning cooking and Zach spent the morning playing with Rea, talking with my dad, and sleeping. I loved every last bit of that day. I just keep trying to look forward to next year, when we have a real wedding. Then the years after that, when we are sick of each other, and fighting over who has to cook dinner, and everything that old married couples do. I never knew a love like the love that I get from my husband. He makes me feel so special, and beautiful, even when I haven't showered and just worked out. He knows exactly what to say to make my day better. Sometimes I think about him, and cry happy tears because I got so lucky. I know it's silly, but when he calls and I know it's him, I get instant butterflies as soon as he says "hey babe" Even if we only get to say hello, and that we love each other, I cherish every phone call. I don't konw how I will react the first time I miss his call. I need to head to bed, we are going to the lake tomorrow to have a picnic for my early going away party. I am excited, even though i'll probably feel like im melting. I don't know how long we will last in the sun out there!

Dear Deployment,
Today you can suck it. Extra puke on you today. Thanks deployment for ruining Zach's 21st birthday. Next year though, we will make up for it. Big time. I'm not in the greatest mood tonight, but I didn't lose it today, so I still win. Eat your heart out deployment, becuase I won't break. Love, Elsa...

Happy Birthday Zach, I love you!

Happy Birthday Husband

Today is Zach's birthday, which makes for a sadder day than normal. He is 21 today, and I wish we could have done something special for him, because he made my 21st birthday so special. I didn't write last night, so I will write once this morning and one more time tonight. Yesterday, Rea slept until nine, which is pretty late for us. I packed a little more, and put the laundry away from the day before. After Rea's midmorning nap, I made her stay awake. I wanted to be tired when we went to Brittany's house, but she was CRANKY, all day! Cameron was too though, he was on a roll getting into trouble! He kept looking at his mom, and then pushing Rea and making her cry, she was being over dramatic. He would get into trouble, and then just do it again like it never phased him. He is such a typical boy! I love it. After dinner, we headed over to Brittany's house, and Chrissy put Cameron straight to sleep. Rea wasn't having that game, even though she fell asleep in the car on our way over. Brittany's husband Dave had his friends over, and they were playing beer pong. Once Rea finally fell asleep, I sat outside and watched the guys, and talked with the girls. Chrissy had never played beer pong, so we decided to play, we just threw, other people drank our beer. Since we are sissys. I didn't get home until late and I was way too tired to write. We went straight to sleep.

Yesterday, at four, it was technically Zach's birthday. His time, and today will be his birthday until midnight our time, and midnight Alaska time, which gives him about eleven hours extra of birthday! Sounds lucky, but I still wish he was here and only had 3 extra hours of birthday. I really was looking forward to spending the day at the lake and making him a cake. I also wanted to cook a huge breakfast for him with steaks and eggs and pancakes. He deserves the best and I hope that he gets something special, or gets to do something special today. When he comes home, we will celebrate all of the things he missed.

Dear Deployment,
Becuase of you, I can't see my husband on his birthday. I can't celebrate a milestone birthday with him. But I am not going to be depressed today, maybe a little sad. I may eat a little more sugar today than normal, but I am not depressed. I love Zach, and I look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with him. Happy Birthday Zachary Lance, I love you with all of my heart. I can't wait for you to come home, your the best and you deserve the best. Love, Elsa...

Rea is always the last one standing!

I am over at Chrissy's tonight doing laundry, since I sold our washer and dryer a few days ago. Mason is also here so his mommy and daddy can have some time to themselves. The kids play and play and play. Cameron is always put to bed first, and then Mason usually joins short after. Rea though, plays all night. She fights and fights to stay awake. Sometimes I think she just likes to play alone with everyone elses toys. Right now, it's 10:44 and she's still up. Maybe I will get lucky and she will sleep in tomorrow. Today, I packed up some more. I organized Zach's things, Chrissy is letting me keep his army stuff here, so I don't have to take everything back to Alaska and then back to Texas in less than a year. I also started packing up Rea's things, I figure I will pack a little suitcase for Saima to use while I am not there, and then a larger suitcase for me to use while I am in Kotzebue. Rea was excited to help, she kept trying to put everything in the suitcases and she was smiling really big. She knows something is up! I also started packing the clothes that I know I wont wear while i'm here, like jeans and long sleeve shirts. Rea was pretty cranky by the time I decided to stop packing, so I put her to sleep and shortly after, I joined her. I didn't realize that I fell asleep, and when I opened my eyes, it had been about two hours! She started making her poop face and I rushed her to the toilet. I left the bathroom, as I usually do, to get wipes. But when I came back this time, she was standing up backwards! I'm glad she didn't fall. We came over to Chrissy's to do laundry and Rea has had a pretty rough night. She has had multiple run ins with Cameron, mostly on accident and Mason bit her on the cheek. She still has a little red mark, but she's okay. Mason usually is the one being bullied, and tonight he was completley different. He was the bully, he even made Cameron cry! Really though, nothing special happened. It was another "normal" day. Chrissy leaves soon to Michigan for a family reunion and they don't get back until the day that we leave )= So sad, i'll miss a few things about Texas, and Cam and Chrissy are two of them! Tomorrow a friend of mine is having a romance party, I am looking forward to hanging out with girls. As soon as our laundry is done, Rea and I are headed home to bed! I am super duper tired! I hope Rea is too, because if she somehow stays up extra late again I might just fall asleep on her.

Dear deployment,
I didn't get to talk to my hero today, but he's busy learning. I'm not worried about him. I always remember that no news is good news. I hope though, that you don't keep me from talking to him on his birthday, because that might be a tough day, but i'm tough I'll survive our first anniversary without him too, because I know that we have many more years to celebrate together! Love, Elsa...

I discovered Hobby Lobby!

This morning, Chrissy texted me and asked if I wanted to come to Wal-Mart with her. Of course I wanted to, and yesterday we were talking about going to Hobby Lobby for a couple of days, so we went for the first time today! It was awesome! I loved it, and it was so hard not to buy a whole bunch of things to decorate my house. I had to keep telling muself that I am leaving in two weeks and I can't buy anything! I did find a couple of things that I had to have though!  I got a sign that says "We interrupt this marriage for hunting season" and one that says "May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from the other Genesis 31:49" I thought both of them were perfect for us! I also bought a sign for Saima that says fresh eggs 10 cents a dozen! For Dean, I got one that says gone huntin' and for Maija, Excellence is not a skill it is an attitude. I also got really cute letters R E  and A. They are plain white, but I figured that Brittany or Maija could paint them! I normally wouldn't buy things like that, especially since we are about to move, but all wall decor was half off! I couldn't turn down a deal like that! I also found some purple and blue tye dye duct tape! I was so excited! When we got to Chrissy's house I made a flower, and then Chrissy asked if I could make her a flower to go on top of a pen. I had never done it, but I figured I would give it a shot. After a couple of tries, I figured it out and it turned out great! For the majority of the afternoon and early evening we just hung out at Chrissy's house and the kids played. Rea didn't nap today, and by about six, she was far past ready for a nap. I put her to sleep with no problem, and Chrissy said I should put her in Cam's crib. I didn't think she would stay asleep when I put her in, but she did. I even had to wake her up. I guess she was asleep for the night, because she was really cranky. When we came home though, I had to give her a bath. She was stinky from last night. Before she fell asleep, I played with her for a while, when she is super tired, she is giggly and it reminds me so much of Zach. It slightly breaks my heart, but it's hard to be sad when Rea is so happy! Now, I am watching Rivals and I can hear her snore in the background. I love it!
Today I got a phone call from a fellow army wife, who's husband deployed today. I don't know what to say to someone though. There really aren't words to make someone feel better. She doesn't have kids, so she CAN be sad. She can sit in her house and mope around. I don't have that option, I am thankful though, because I think if I did have the option, I would be the worst. I saw a sign at Hobby Lobby today that said "Happiness is a choice" I really believe that. I could easily be depressed and not do anything, but I chose to be happy on a daily basis. I chose to look at the positive and find things to look forward to.

Dear Deployment,
People tell me that the first month is the hardest, people tell me that I have to do this, or do that to get through you. I feel like I am either doing exactly all of the right things or I am oblivious to something. Because I am happy, I would be much happier with my husband, but I make the best of the situation. I will make it through the next year, always knowing that he loves me and always knowing that I love him. Love, Elsa...

Sprinklers, BBQs and a cockroach.

This morning, Rea woke up at 07:00 just to poop. So I put her on the toilet and she pooped, and I was super tired. I had to put her back to bed. We slept for another hour. I had a really hard time waking up though. Rea was pretty dramatic this morning, and when I finally put her down for a nap, she woke up like ten minutes later! It also happened to be when I was getting in the shower. I decided to let her shower as well, so I put her in the tub, with the water running and I turn around. For a quarter of a second it felt like, and when I turned back, there was a HUGE cockroach swimming around in the tub with her! I don't mind killing bugs, but I was told that cockroaches are very hard to kill. So in a a panic, I took Rea out of the tub. Both of us were completley nude, and I didn't know what to do. I wrapped Rea and myself in a towel, and went into the kitchen. I got a rubbermaid bin, the kind people store food in, and scooped it out of the tub, closed the cover and threw it away. After cleaning the tub out, we showered and as soon as I got dressed, I took the trash out. In that moment, I wished Zach was here. I wished that I didn't have to deal with nasty little bugs, and I realized that I can't live here without him. I feel like I constantly worry about bugs biting Rea and I don't like that.
After the whole cockroach thing, I headed over to Chrissy's house, becuase I had an appointment to get my hair trimmed. I love it when I get hair cuts, even just a trim. I went to a local lady, who cuts hair out of her house, she only charges $10! I love how she did it! After my haircut, I came home and picked up a box of cake that I had in the pantry, so Chrissy and I could eat it. While I was home, teh FedEx guy came and Brittany's Tupperware came in! When I told her about it, she invited us to a BBQ. We decided not to be super fattys, so we took the cake with us to share. It was really nice to hang out with adults and have our kids just play in the back yard! They got to run through the sprinkler, and it was Rea's first time. She loved it, she loves anything that has to do with the water. Sometimes I think she is part fish, and part dog, and part boy. Or she is just 100% her dad's child. Rea also discovered bacon, she loves it! She hasn't been eating as well as I would like her to, but she is getting better. I wish Zach was home to enjoy tonight. We sat outside, and Zach would have loved that. Not to mention, he would have gotten along great with the other guys that were there. On nights like this I really miss him when I go home. I know that he is okay though, and I don't worry about him. Now that we are home, Rea is fast asleep and I am watching Pretty Little Liars, then Teen Mom. If I can stay up that late!

Dear Deployment,
Today I almost died because of a cockroach, but after I gained my composure I was fine. I delt with it without freaking out, and I am proud of myself. It felt good to hang out with other adults, but because of you, my husband can't enjoy this kind of thing. I miss him on nights like this, but it didn't ruin the fact that I was having a good time. Today was good, tomorrow will be too. Love, Elsa...

Not numbering days anymore!

I decided I can't write "day 83, day 192" and so on, becuase I don't want to count days, and I don't want to know exactly how long it's been since I have seen my husband. I am not the kind of person who keeps track of things like that. I mean I can hardly remember my phone number, I can't concentrate on something like that. I would waste all of my energy on it, and I don't want that.
Last night, Rea stayed up really late. She would NOT go to sleep, I was so tired. She kept laying down with me and wiggling, like she couldn't get comfortable, then she would sit up and giggle and babble. I wont lie when I say it was super cute, but I was SO TIRED! I think the last time I checked the clock it was 2:30 am. Then she didn't really sleep in this morning, so we were running low on sleep. She was pretty cranky all morning, so after about an hour of being awake I took her back to bed. We both fell back asleep, and about after two hours, my phone rang. It was Zach! I was so happy that he woke us up, becuase as soon as I heard his voice, I smiled and then when I put him on speaker phone, Rea smiled. She always tries to steal my phone and say "hello" but when it came time to really talk to daddy, she got shy. Then every time I would take him off speaker, she would say "hi dad' I love her. After we talked to daddy, she went potty, and because she was being good, I let her take a nice long bath. She loves to play in the tub. She would play there all day if I let her. This afternoon, I cleaned the living room and put all of her toys back into her room. Rea watched an barney video, and I listened to the best song ever! Here is the link to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO1aMvcIx_g&feature=related It's my favorite. I could listen to it over and over and over again. It is like a soul clensing thing. I love it. This evening, after dinner, I took Rea to the park, and she was so happy, she loves playing at the park. There was a very cute little girl there today, and she was so excited to play with Rea. She was almost three, and she loved being able to play with Rea. After the park, we came home, and I gave Rea much needed water, then I put her to bed. Thank goodness she fell right asleep tonight! Now I am watching Switched at Birth, and as soon as it's over, I will join my love bug in getting some shut eye.

Dear Deployment,
Today was a "normal" day, I think. Today, I didn't really do anything special, I didn't hang out with anyone but Rea, and we enjoyed it. Days like today aren't sad, they aren't depressing, but I would rather be around people. I am a people person, and because of you, I don't get to see one of the most important people in my life. I was happy today, and I am gonna be happy everyday, I will always look at the bright side. Love, Elsa...

Week one

I made it a week without my husband! I feel good, I feel like I am gonna kick this deployment's ass! Today, Rea literaly started to smile before she opened her eyes. I love it when she is happy, and I especially love it when she wakes up happy. I think it sets my mood for the day. If I didn't have Rea, I know that I wouldn't be this strong, I know that I wouldn't be the woman I am today if I didn't have her. When we found out that Zach was leaving in less than 48 hours, it was so hard to look at the positive, it was so hard to think about anything but the fact that I wouldn't see him for a year, and the thought of him possibly losing his life, broke my heart. But he reminded me that everything happens for a reason. We have been married for almost a year, and didn't get a real wedding. We got married at the court house in Kotzebue with only our closest friends and family. I have been dreaming about my wedding since I was a kid, and when Zach decided to join the army, we knew that we had to be married. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being married to him. If we had the choice to wait and have a real wedding though, I would have in a heart beat. Now that he's deployed, I get to plan my dream wedding! He should be home before our second anniversary, and with the extra money that will be coming in from the deployment, we can afford it. I am very excited to start planning, and I can't wait to be back in Alaska.
Today I hung out with Chrissy and Cameron again, we went to the PX to check out a new cupcake shop we had discovered on Facebook, and it was amazing. I ate a red velvet cupcake, and so did Chrissy. I really wanna go on Tuesday though, because they make strawberry cupcakes on Tuesday. We also picked up a shirt for her sister and a couple of other things. I wanted to buy myself a Fort Hood shirt, but I didn't find any I liked. We came back to Chrissy's and I dyed her under layer of hair with the same brown as the top was, to mellow the BRIGHT red out. It looks much better now. The kids played the day away, and we made twice baked potatoes. Also, I made some musk ox steaks. Chrissy had never had them, and she didn't like it, but I did. We also made vanilla pudding, with bananas and nilla wafers. I was so stuffed earlier, and I still feel like I am full. We watched a movie called Cyber Bully, it's about a high school girl getting hacked on a page kind of like facebook, and it turned into a huge thing in her school. It was pretty good. I don't think something to that extent would really happen in a school, but I would never know. We watched the Glee Project, which I LOVE. I love Glee too! I haven't left her house yet, but decided to blog before I went home, because I know when I get home, I will not be in the mood to blog. Rea wasw asleep, but now she's all over the place... She will be ready to fall asleep as soon as we get into the car though. This next week will be full of packing, and swimming (hopefully) ... I am far past ready for bed, so I am headed home.

Dear Deployment,
I made it through the first week. You have put me through a lot this week, but I am still happy. I know that I just started and I know that every week will not be as easy as this week. But I do know that with the right attitude and right support, I will never be broken. I will not be ruined. I will make it through this year. I will not allow myself to feel sorry for our family. I know there are people who have it worst. Love, Elsa...

Sensational Day Six

Today was wonderful (=
This morning, Rea woke up in a really good mood, and since we had gone grocery shopping, I made her eggs with cheese for breakfast. That girl, she eats so much cheese. If I were to have a peice of cheese in one hand and candy in the other, she would go for the cheese! As for me, I ate a toasted bagel, with cream cheese, and home made blueberry jam! It was so amazing, I LOVE blueberry jam. I can't wait to go home and eat it all the time! Chrissy asked if Rea and I wanted to come with her to Wal-Mart, so we did and I ended up getting  new case for my iPhone. I loved my old one, but it was coming apart. I picked out a super cute Kermit the frog case! I also got a "leash" for Rea. I never want to lose her, and I have NO problem putting the cute little puppy backpack on her with a leash connected to it. After Wal-Mart, we came back to my house, and I sold my washer and dryer, and I am glad I did. Even though now, I have to go to one of my friends houses to do laundry. Chrissy got her haircut, and while she was doing that, I put Rea down for a nap and baked a batch of oatmeal crasin cookies. I had planned on only making a half batch, because I always end up eating way too many if I make a whole one, but half way through I realized that I had been mixing all of the ingredients for a full batch.. oopsie (: I knew that if I had kept the cookies here, I would have eaten all of them, and I knew that I did NOT need to do that. So I texted one of Zach's really good friends, the one who is gonna help us with our insane housing situation, and asked if he liked oatmeal cookies. His reply was "I fucking love them!" So, I bagged up about half of them for him, and put the other half on a plate and headed over to Chrissy's house. Chrissy had been wanting to color her hair, and since she had just gotten it cut, she decided she wanted to do it at home. We headed back to Wal-Mart, I didn't plan on doing anything to my hair, but when we got to the hair dye section, I decided I needed something new as well. So I picked out a caramel blonde high lighting kit. Chrissy on the other hand, chose a BRIGHT red, for the under layer of her hair, and a brown for the top. By the time we got back to her house, both of the kids were cranky and hungry, so she heated up some chicken nuggets and we started the bottom of her hair. This was the first time I had ever bleached someone elses hair, and let me tell you, it was STINKY! Once the bleach was done, we added the red hair dye. It was SO red, and it got all over the place. Apparently, one of the gloves I had on had a hole in it, so my right middle finger is bright red. It looks hilarious. When she went to rinse it out, it took so long, and never ran clear. Before we did the top of her hair, we put mine into the silly cap that comes with the high lighting kit. It took forever to get all of the needed strands out of my stupid hair. It's so long, but I am not cutting it. I am so determined to have super pretty long hair for our wedding renewal! Once we had the dye in mine, we went back to Chrissy's and I did the top portion of her hair. During this time, the kids stayed in Cameron's room. They were being so GOOD! There were a couple of times that I checked on them and they were giggling with each other, like they were talking and enjoying themselves. I loved it. I just wish Brittany's son Mason was there! Her husband came back today from training, and I am super excited for her, but I still wish she was there! I had this crazy bag looking thing, that made me look like I had cat ears over my head, so we couldn't really see what my hair looked like, and when Chrissy finally got a peak, it was so BRIGHT blonde it freaked her out. I immediatley ran into the bathroom and looked. It was so bright, it was almost yellow. I rushed to rinse it out, and hoped that it wasn't gonna turn out looking like crap. Once I got it all rinsed out, I blow dried it a little and ended up loving it! I made some of the front streaks bigger than the rest, and that turned out looking really cool! Chrissy washed hers out when I was done, her red hair is so red! The brown is pretty, and helps calm the red down, so they go together well. Rea was extremely tired at this point, and Cameron had been sleeping for almost an hour. So after some girl talk, and facebooking, I got ready to go home. As soon as I put Rea in the car, she passed out, and then Zach called. I was so happy! It was morning his time, and he was getting ready for the day. Before I came home, I dropped off cookies to Adam, and he got to talk to Zach for a bit too. Now that I am home, I feel like I got hit by Mr. Sandman, and I feel like I got hit HARD! I'm off to bed.

Dear Deployment,
Days like to today make me think I can stay in Texas and enjoy myself. I know that I need to be home with family though, because everyday will not be this good. I feel  like i'm on a winning streak that you will never end! I love hearing the sound of my soldiers voice, and because of you, I don't get that everyday, but tonight I got it. Tonight he called to say goodnight. Tonight, I go to bed with butterflies in my tummy, and a smile on my heart. You can't win deployment, simply can't. Love, Elsa...

Day five, fabulous family!

This morning was wonderful. I got up and after a little bit of snuggling and giggles from my ReaSunshine. I then turned on cartoons and took the trash out, started the sprinkler (my poor lawn was getting brown!) and I started laundry! Pretty eventful morning if you ask me! I gave Rea breakfast, and since I had been eating oatmeal for the last few days and really that was all we had to eat for breakfast, I waited to eat. I NEEDED to grocery shop! Thank goodness for PayDay! Even though I was dreading the trip to Wal-Mart, because EVERYONE goes to Wal-Mart on pay day, I was excited to get something besides oatmeal and top ramen! Rea eats so much better than me. I guess I should pay more attention to my meals too. After some debating with myself about getting things like cake mix and pudding mix, I decided not to. Instead I got some beef, and some chicken. Macarooni and cheese of course, that's my FAVORITE food EVER, and a few other things that we needed. After the store, I put selling my stuff into full gear. I posted all over Fort Hood Yard Sales (on facebook) and Craigslist. So far, I sold Rea's little bookshelf, and my area rug. Someone is coming tomorrow to pick up my washer and dryer, and someone is waiting for a response from their hubby about buying my couch. I know that I don't leave for like 2 weeks, but it was payday, which means everyone has money right now (= Sometime this afternoon though, I got bored, and when I got bored, I also got hungry. So Rea and I found ourselves back at Wal-Mart, buying the stuff I had told myself I didn't need earlier. I figured though, if I don't eat it all at once it's okay right? My husband just deployed, at least I'm not on a drinking binge... Rea didn't really nap during the day, so at around five, she was SO ready to sleep. Thank goodness she did too, I managed to get another load of dishes done (mostly  new tupperware!) and clean a little. I also started packing a box of Zach's things, it was pretty sad, smelling his cologne and having to put all of his clean things in boxes and all of his dirty things in the wash. After I showered earlier I put on one of his t-shirts and that makes me feel closer to him. I had planned on baking cookies tonight, but Rea took FOREVER to fall asleep. She kept climbing all over me, and trying to nurse in the most uncomfortable positions. She is so cooky sometimes. I love when she is like that though, reminds me so much of her dad. He does the same thing. When we first got here, he would play and play and play with her, even when it was bedtime and we would stay up a couple of hours later than we had planned. It drove me crazy at the time, but now I can't wait for him to play with her like that again.

Did I ever mention, that I have the BEST family, EVER?? Because if I didn't, I do. My sisters are the most amazing people ever. And don't even get me started on my best friend. Besides Zach and Rea, they are the most important people in my life. I told my sister that we had bills to pay, and I was worried about having enough money to drive all the way back to Alaska. So, she rounded up my other sister and Ariana, and they had a chili feed at our local post office. They organized it in just a couple of hours, and I am sure that it was amazing, because anything that my sisters cook is awesome. They also plan on having a bake sale next weekend I believe. See, my sisters and Ariana are the BEST. I also have to give props to my hometown. They always come together in a time of need. I know I complain about it a lot, but a lot of good people live there and I wouldn't change the way I grew up for anything. I am so excited to be back for a while. Even though I decided on living in Anchorage, Kotzebue will always be home. I better hit the sack before I find myself Pigaaqing all night. In Inupiaq, that means staying up...

Dear Deployment,
Today I woke up happy, with a happy little baby, and you can't ruin that. I didn't get to talk to my husband because of you, but I always remember that no news is good news, therefore I do not worry about Zach. Today is another win for me, and you fall more and more behind me. I chose not to count days until I see him again, and that is gonna make you go by even faster. I just hope your shorter rather than longer than planned (hey, a girl can hope right?!) Goodnight deployment, I still hate you. (= Love, Elsa...

Day 4

Today started out sucky. I woke up to some dramatic text messages from a person who had no business saying anything at all to me. I woke up feeling like crap, and being angry at everything that had been going on. I kept wondering to myself, "when is all of this bull shit gonna end?" I have been really feeling the pressure from some people these last couple of days, and today I was at my end. I was ready to ruin relationships for LIFE, and then I thought about how much stress that I already have and how much stress Zach already has, and I decided to not worry about anything anymore. I decided that I was gonna ignore all the rude remarks and ignore all of the negitivity. I don't need any of that. I don't need drama. I need to concentrate on getting ready to head back up to Alaska, and I need to be happy that my family and friends are so supportive of everything I do. I found a lady on Facebook, who had moving boxes for free, so I picked some up today. I didn't have any tape though, so I haven't really started packing yet. Rea though, found them VERY entertaining. She crawled all over them and was so excited about it. I swear next Christmas I am gonna get her a bunch of empty boxes. While she was entertained, I put up our couch, rug, her dresser thing, and my washer and dryer for sale. Hopefully they all sell before I leave, because basically, what I can't fit in the car, I am not taking. I was so excited when my doorbell rang and I opened it to find the FedEx man with a Tupperware box for me!! I love getting new Tupperware, especially when it's free to me! This afternoon was not very eventful, Rea danced around and watched cartoons while I cleaned house and sat at my computer... We spent most of the evening at my friend Brittany's house, she and my friend Chrissy both have sons who are the same age as Rea, and they love playing together. Sometimes they fight, and sometimes they play really well... Today, they were pretty good I thought. My friend Chrissy's son Cameron, is a typical boy, he gets into EVERYTHING! He is super adorable though, and my friend Brittany's son, Mason, mostly keeps to himself, and is a lot quieter. Rea is kind of in the middle. She has her days where she will play in a corner, quiet all day. Then she has days where she gets into anything and everything. Usually when I am in a bad mood, or don't really feel like getting out of bed. Anyway, I always love when the three of them play together, because it wears Rea out, and she will sleep all night, and even sleep in sometimes. We didn't get home until late and she was REALLY REALLY tired. As soon as I lay down with her, she wiggled around and acted like she wanted to nurse, but before I could even nurse her, she was asleep with her head by my knees and toes in my nose. I forgot to take the trash to the curb, and I am still deciding whether or not to do it tonight, or to just wait until morning when it's light... Who am I kidding? I am not gonna do it tonight, I am terrified of the dark! I have a long day tomorrow, so I am hitting the hay, hopefully. I always say that i'm gonna go to bed, but when I actually lay down, I always get on my stupid phone. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my iPhone, but I am always on it! It's too addicting.

Dear Deployment,
Today started out rough, today I thought I might lose it, and then I had an attitude change, which completely turned it around. With the help of some friends, some super chocolate ice cream, and a red popcicle of course. You don't beat me today. I am going to bed content, even though I didn't get to hear my husband say I love you, I know that we look up at the same sun, the same moon, and the same stars. I know that he thinks about us all the time, and you can't change my mind, so don't even try. Love, Elsa...

Day three

Today, is short and sweet. I am super super tired, because we had a Tupperware meeting that ran WAY longer than we expected. I am an at home consultant, and if you want to buy Tupperware, i'm your woman! Anyway, today I called housing, and found out that I can't end the lease at our house unless I have power of attourney over Zach, which I don't, because he left so suddenly, I have NOTHING. Not even orders. So basically I would have been "stuck" here until I got those papers and then after I got that, I would have had to wait thirty days to leave. Yeah freaking right. I am NOT staying here for that long, in my empty depressing house. We have NO pictures on the walls, and hardly any furniture. We didn't even have a bed yet, we had still been sleeping on an air mattress! So, after debating with the housing manager for a while, crying a little, and playing the lonely sad girl game. He gave me another option, which is obviously what we are doing. Zach's friend Adam, who is totally awesome by the way. Is going to get power of attourney over Zach, so he can close our house out and I can leave with out any problems. Thank goodness for awesome friends right?!? After the housing incident I got to talk to Zach for a bit, which was amazing. I love how just the sound of his voice can cheer me up in an instant. He is so amazing to me, I don't know how I got so lucky. I also called DirectTV today, who were completley understandable and are disconnecting our service with no charge and no problems. Thank goodness! The only other thing we did today was go to Temple for a Tupperware meeting. Which was awesome, because the ladies I work with are so fun and caring and everything I could ever ask for as an "employer" even though technically I work for me. Rea was a monster, she always drives me crazy at these kind of things, it was far past her bedtime when we finished though, so it wasn't as bad. Now, I am going to join her, gladly.

Dear Deployment,
Today you almost got to me. I almost gave into you and broke completley down, but once I talked to my husband and figured things out, I got a lot better. I win again today, I will not go to bed sad tonight and I will not wake up in pain. Today proved to me that it's okay to cry and it's okay to be upset, but I can't let it ruin my whole day, or week, or month. Which isn't gonna happen. You will NOT ruin this next year for me. Love, Elsa...

Day 2

Rea and I slept until 8:30 this morning, which is a little later than normal. Which is fine for me, because we had been going to be earlier so Zach could sleep in. Now that daddy isn't home, we can sleep as long as we want! I can't say that I don't like waking up early though. It's nice, to be awake and active all day, and going to bed when it gets dark. Even this morning, when I woke up, I thought that maybe just MAYBE Zach had pulled a 24 hour staff duty and he would be back at 9 am. I may think this everyday until I leave Fort Hood. I am the kind of girl to hope, even though I know in the back of my mind that it isn't possible. Rea was super extra cute this morning. She was dancing and watching the Fresh Beat Band on Nick JR. She is amazing, I love watching her learn new things daily. She has recently started clapping when good things happen. Especially when she goes pee on the potty. She knows its time for business when she sits down, she pees right away and starts clapping and trying to flush the toilet when shes done. She isn't telling me when she has to pee yet, but hopefully soon. I fell asleep breifly when I put Rea down for a nap, but when the air condioning system turned on, I woke up, a little freaked out. My first reaction was to make sure that the knife that my dad made for Zach was still next to my bed. Yes, I keep a knife next to my bed. Then once my heart rate slowed and I realized that it was just the air conditioning, I laughed. I decided to get up and do some chores, so I got up to tackle the dishes. Usually I do them by hand because our dishwasher sucks. But today, I decided that I was gonna try the dishwasher. I loaded it and decided that I would put some liquid soap into the prewash, thinking that maybe the dishes would actually come out clean. Horrible fail, when I went to make lunch, the kitchen was completley filled with soap. Thank goodness Rea was asleep! I once again laughed, and took the towels that I had JUST washed out of the dryer and onto the floor. Go figure, I had no dirty towels, and I already have to rewash them. Because I had been spending time trying to clean up the mess that I had made, I forgot that I was boiling water for ramen noodles. So I also over boiled my noodles and there was almost no water left in the pot. No worries though, I once again laughed and ate. Rea woke up and I made her chicken nuggets, she LOVES chicken nuggets. After lunch, we met the two friends that I have made in the last two months, Chrissy and Brittany, and their boys at the pool. Rea absolutley loves the pool, she goes completley crazy when I put her in the kiddie pool. That girl is gonna give me grey hairs. After the pool, we hung out at home until dinner time. That was when I realized how difficult it is to cook for just Rea and I! Zach eats so much, and i'm so used to cooking for him too. Soon after dinner Rea fell asleep. She has been out cold since and I caught up on Pretty Little Liars and now I am watching Teen Mom. I am most worried about drama. The last thing I want while my husband is gone is drama. I don't want Zach to call and me only have bad things to say about whats going on in my life. I don't want him stressing out over things that are pointless to our relationship. The bottom line is, everything that happens to Rea and I will be my decision. I will not put either of us in a position that isn't comfortable. I will always chose what is best for the two of us at that time. No one can force any negativity apon us.

Dear Deployment,
It's day two and I win again today. I didn't wake up sad, nor will I go to bed sad. Go ahead and throw dishwasher overloads and over cooked noodles my way. I will laugh it off and continue with what I was doing. You can dream on about me getting down over stupid things. Love, Elsa...

Day 1

I want to start off by saying, I am not here to make you happy. I am writing to give myself peace of mind. If you don't agree with what I say, or do, or how I react, stop reading. Plain and Simple (=

This is my story, in my eyes.

My name is Elsa, I am 21 years old. I married Zachary Lance on July 28th, 2011. I gave birth to our amazing daughter on April 4, 2010. She is our world. Zach enlisted in the army in August of 2011 and left for basic training on October 26. He returned home for Christmas for two weeks, and graduated basic training on January 26, 2011 in South Carolina. He then attended AIT, in Georgia. He graduated on May 5th, 2011 and started his drive to Fort Hood Texas, where he was stationed and where I was to meet him on May 13th. We started our life in Texas, so very happy to be back together after six long months apart. Since we got here we knew that he would deploy this year, and we knew that his unit was deploying in early July. He, however; was told that he would not be deployed until August, becuase he hadn't been trained and didn't have the time to take block leave. Two days ago, Zach got called to his battalion. When he came home, I saw that he had been crying, and in the moment that I had to wonder what was going on, deployment was the last thing on my mind. I thought someone had died, or something had happened to someone. He then broke the news, he would be deployed in less that fourty eight hours. I bursted into tears, I can't explain the feeling, but I don't wish it apon anyone. Saturday and Sunday were full of hugs and "its gonna be okay"s He packed everything he could fit into two duffel bags, and before I knew it we were sitting in the audiotorium waiting for his busses to leave. I stayed up most of the night with him, and our daughter also didn't sleep well. She knew something was wrong, she knew something big was about to happen. She is only 15 months old, but so amazingly smart. As the time passed, wives and their kids started leaving the audiotorium. The tears were flowing, everywhere. I hope to never have to expirence something like that again. I love my husband and will always wait for him. This next year will come and go, and we will have the rest of our lives together.

Today was better than I expected. Rea and I slept until about 1030 which gave us roughly 5 hours of sleep. She woke up in a wonderful mood, as always, and I woke up hoping that the last day and a half was just a bad dream. I woke up knowing that there are things that need to get done. I can't sit and sulk in my house all day. I got up, we ate breakfast, and then when it came time to shower, I put Rea in the tub, but she started making her face... other moms know, the poopy face, so as quickly as possible, I put her on the toilet, That wasn't soon enough however, she had poopied in the tub, not very much, but it was a moment that I wished Zach was home to help. She finished her poopy on the toilet, and we headed over to my friend Chrissy's. She had taken pre-deployment pictures, which turned out WONDERFUL! I am so thankful to have such wonderful friends. These next couple of weeks will be a whirlwind of packing, and squeezing in everything Texas that we can find. My sisters will be heading down here in August. Saima to pick up Rea, and Maija, to hop in the car with me and drive all the way back to Alaska. I am heading to bed, we are exhausted. I am most worried about spending nights alone. I have nightmares, more often than not, and I fear that I will wake up one night crying and wishing I could be held by my husband. I know he's in Iraq to better our everyday life. He's an amazing husband, father, and soldier. So dear deployment, it's been one day, and I am gonna kick your ass. You don't intimidate me, you will not break my relationship with my husband. You will be over sooner than anyone can realize. Love Always, Elsa...