Zach and I were living at my mom's house, he was working at Frontier, and I was working at Maniilaq. Neither of us had jobs that could turn into careers, nor did we have saved money to move, or change jobs, or pay a babysitter etc. Basically we were working two dead end jobs, and not really going places with our lives. We didn't really know what our next step was gonna be and Zach had talked about military when I was pregnant. We couldn't afford to just move and get jobs somewhere else, because we really didn't have money saved up from working. Especially since Rea was newborn at the time. The first time Zach brought up the military, I said "hell no." I wasn't emotionally ready for him to be in the military. We, as a family weren't ready for something so life changing. After a couple more months of living with my mom and working paycheck to paycheck, we were both pretty tired of it. He and I talked and cried and talked and laughed for hours, trying to decide what our next move would be. He told me that he wanted to support his family and he doesn't want to have to live paycheck to paycheck at my moms house. After much discussion, he asked again if he could join the military. He knew going into the situation that he would be away from us, and I knew that I would be taking care of Rea mostly alone for a while. I came to terms with the idea because I wanted Zach to be happy about what he was doing. I wanted him to be comfortable knowing that he is supporting his family and his country. That was the moment, when we knew that he would be in the military, and we would live the military lifestyle. I think that the reality of it didn't hit until he told me that he would be gone for 26 weeks. Also, when I quit my job, and we spent a month in Fort Yukon with his family. I remember being so scared when Zach was getting ready to leave for basic training. The whole weekend before he left was full of hugs and kisses. He had a list of things he needed and things that he was allowed to bring. He needed to bring all of his legal documents, like our marriage license, birth certificates, and social security cards. He was placing everything into a clear sleeve. He thought that he couldn't find our marriage license and since I was the one who had put it away, he blamed it on me. We argued and I even cried because I thought that I had lost our marriage certificate. After hours of looking for it, Zach went into the bathroom, where he claims that he does his best thinking. Well he must, because he realized that our marriage license was in fact already in the sleeve and since he hadn't looked close enough, he thought that it was his birth certificate, which was lost. I remember him coming into the bedroom, where I was nursing Rea, and he said "Babe, please don't be mad. I am REALLY REALLY sorry" and he had a shit eating grin on his face. I replied with "what did you do" and he walked over to his sleeve, pulled out our marriage certificate and said "I found it" I have to say, that in that moment, I was mad, but I smiled and giggled. I had to understand the sheer amount of stress the two of us were under over those two days. He left on flight 151, which leaves at about 8 am. I wanted to drop him off and be with him until the very last second, but that wasn't possible because we had left our six month old daughter sleeping upstairs in our room. My mom was home, but I had to drop him off. We did a quick painless goodbye and I drove off. As soon as I left the airport and stopped at the first stop sign, I busted into tears. I cried all the way home and as I walked upstairs to my peacefully sleeping daughter. I cried in silence for at least 10 minutes, not knowing what to do next. I fell back asleep and in the morning my sister came over to hang out with us. I have always had a strong support system. I am so happy that I have the family and friends that I do. They always help out in any way possible. Since Zach has joined the army, I have been the main caregiver for our daughter, and I have to deal with all of the bills and anything like that. I believe that I am a whole different woman, I know how to handle situations better, without freaking out right away. I can do a lot of things that I never thought I could, not only physically but emotionally. My daughter is also very strong hearted and is growing to have an amazing personality. She is my rock, and Zach's rock. She is the reason we are so strong today. She also isn't feeling good, she has a runny nose and is starting to couch, which means I should go tend to her.
Dear deployment,
This is our story, written by me. We chose to be in the military, we knew coming into this that a deployment was possible, but neither of us thought it would be this soon. We learn as we go though. We have a deep and strong love for each other and our daughter that can't be broken. And because of you deployment, I am as emotionally strong as I have ever been. Love, Elsa...
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