Emotions

Lately, my emotions have been everywhere, I am happy, then sad, then mad, then happy again. Like a 9 month pregnant woman. It's driving me NUTS!! I don't know if it's the fact that I haven't seen Zach in a really long time, or that Rea is at the "testing" age. She is a HUGE handfull, it's crazy how smart and sneaky she is. She still doesn't talk a lot, but I know it's becuase she doesn't want to. When she feels like talking, she knows more words than I even realized I taught her. Which also means I have to stop swearing ALL TOGETHER!! I don't want her to be the baby who drops her basketball and says "shit" It's funny and cute, when it's not my own kid! Even though she's crazy and loud and cries for nothing, she is the light of my life right now. I have been having a hard time the last few days and she is so happy. She knows exactly how to cheer me up. We have been practicing our "I love you"s and if I say I she repeats it and when I say love, she says "youuuuuuuuu" with so much enthusiasm. Now that she says that, we started practicing saying daddy instead of you, and she still says you, but now she says "dad" at the end of it. Hopefully she wont be too shy to catch on camera so he can see it himself. I know she knows that something is up with my emotions too, because yesterday she was really clingy to Clara and she was cranky. I don't know why she was cranky, because her ear infection medicine ended today, so she should be better. Maybe she is getting a couple more teeth.

On a positive note, I found a venue for our wedding! I'm not gonna tell where, however, I do know that I am super excited about planning it!! Now that we have a real venue and real stuff happening, I feel better about it actually happening, I was worried before that we would have to cancel it for some reason or another. I am very excited to wedding dress shop, and pick out bridesmaid outfits and do everything that most other eager brides get to do. I was very happy the day that Zach and I were married, and I would be happy just being married and not spending all of this money on a wedding, but I was the little girl that dreamed of her wedding since she could remember. I used to make Ariana be the "husband" so we could get married. We used to play sims and I would make them all get married. All of our dolls and barbies and stuffed animals were also married. I was the girl that wanted the HUGE ballgown and sit down dinner and wooden dance floor! I wanted flashing lights and a spotlight. I wanted it all, now however, I want something more simple and fun! (and less expensive)

Dear Deployment,
I have been feeling quite down because of you, and I hope that I get better at being emotional. I hope that I can learn how to control my emotions. I hope that eventually I can be a strong enough person to be away from my husband for long periods of time with multiple kids as well as being away from my family. Eventually, maybe.... right now?? no way!! Love, Elsa...