Zach and I were living at my mom's house, he was working at Frontier, and I was working at Maniilaq. Neither of us had jobs that could turn into careers, nor did we have saved money to move, or change jobs, or pay a babysitter etc. Basically we were working two dead end jobs, and not really going places with our lives. We didn't really know what our next step was gonna be and Zach had talked about military when I was pregnant. We couldn't afford to just move and get jobs somewhere else, because we really didn't have money saved up from working. Especially since Rea was newborn at the time. The first time Zach brought up the military, I said "hell no." I wasn't emotionally ready for him to be in the military. We, as a family weren't ready for something so life changing. After a couple more months of living with my mom and working paycheck to paycheck, we were both pretty tired of it. He and I talked and cried and talked and laughed for hours, trying to decide what our next move would be. He told me that he wanted to support his family and he doesn't want to have to live paycheck to paycheck at my moms house. After much discussion, he asked again if he could join the military. He knew going into the situation that he would be away from us, and I knew that I would be taking care of Rea mostly alone for a while. I came to terms with the idea because I wanted Zach to be happy about what he was doing. I wanted him to be comfortable knowing that he is supporting his family and his country. That was the moment, when we knew that he would be in the military, and we would live the military lifestyle. I think that the reality of it didn't hit until he told me that he would be gone for 26 weeks. Also, when I quit my job, and we spent a month in Fort Yukon with his family. I remember being so scared when Zach was getting ready to leave for basic training. The whole weekend before he left was full of hugs and kisses. He had a list of things he needed and things that he was allowed to bring. He needed to bring all of his legal documents, like our marriage license, birth certificates, and social security cards. He was placing everything into a clear sleeve. He thought that he couldn't find our marriage license and since I was the one who had put it away, he blamed it on me. We argued and I even cried because I thought that I had lost our marriage certificate. After hours of looking for it, Zach went into the bathroom, where he claims that he does his best thinking. Well he must, because he realized that our marriage license was in fact already in the sleeve and since he hadn't looked close enough, he thought that it was his birth certificate, which was lost. I remember him coming into the bedroom, where I was nursing Rea, and he said "Babe, please don't be mad. I am REALLY REALLY sorry" and he had a shit eating grin on his face. I replied with "what did you do" and he walked over to his sleeve, pulled out our marriage certificate and said "I found it" I have to say, that in that moment, I was mad, but I smiled and giggled. I had to understand the sheer amount of stress the two of us were under over those two days. He left on flight 151, which leaves at about 8 am. I wanted to drop him off and be with him until the very last second, but that wasn't possible because we had left our six month old daughter sleeping upstairs in our room. My mom was home, but I had to drop him off. We did a quick painless goodbye and I drove off. As soon as I left the airport and stopped at the first stop sign, I busted into tears. I cried all the way home and as I walked upstairs to my peacefully sleeping daughter. I cried in silence for at least 10 minutes, not knowing what to do next. I fell back asleep and in the morning my sister came over to hang out with us. I have always had a strong support system. I am so happy that I have the family and friends that I do. They always help out in any way possible. Since Zach has joined the army, I have been the main caregiver for our daughter, and I have to deal with all of the bills and anything like that. I believe that I am a whole different woman, I know how to handle situations better, without freaking out right away. I can do a lot of things that I never thought I could, not only physically but emotionally. My daughter is also very strong hearted and is growing to have an amazing personality. She is my rock, and Zach's rock. She is the reason we are so strong today. She also isn't feeling good, she has a runny nose and is starting to couch, which means I should go tend to her.
Dear deployment,
This is our story, written by me. We chose to be in the military, we knew coming into this that a deployment was possible, but neither of us thought it would be this soon. We learn as we go though. We have a deep and strong love for each other and our daughter that can't be broken. And because of you deployment, I am as emotionally strong as I have ever been. Love, Elsa...
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
The world will never forget
Ten years ago the twin towers fell. Ten years ago, thousands of innocent people lost their lives. Ten years ago, lives were ruined and hearts were broken. Ten years ago, heros walked into a falling building, knowing that they wouldn't come out.
The morning of September 11, 2001, I got up for school promptly at 7:14 am, as I did every morning. Of course however, I lay in bed until at least 7:30 am and ended up rushing to get dressed and out the door. Since we are on Alaska time, the towers hit before I woke, and I didn't watch the news, but I knew that something was wrong when I got to school. The mood was different, people were lugging around, and the teachers looked nervous. Soon after we got to our first class, our teacher said that instead of doing math this morning, we were going to join the other kids in the science room. I don't think any of us knew what was going on yet. We crammed into the classroom next door, and the teacher brought in a huge TV. Really, it wasn't that huge, but I remember thinking "wow, what a big TV" They turned it on and we saw what was happening. At first, I thought "who cares, it's not that big of a deal, planes crash all the time" but then I realized what was really going on. I realized that this was an attack, and not an accident. I realized that the amount of people who died was much greater than just two planes full. I quickly prayed and then without even realizing it, I was crying. I was quietly crying, crying for all of the poor kids who lost their parents, parents who lost their kids. I cried because I couldn't imagine even knowing someone who lost their life in the horrible event. I am and always have been sensitive to other peoples' feelings, so watching something like that really got to me. For months I prayed and thought about the families of those who died. Still to this day, I think about how horrible it was.
I have said and will say over and over and over again that I love my husband, and I am SO PROUD of him. Especially on a day like today, where so many people gave their lives to try and save others. He is in Iraq today because of the attacks on the twin towers and pentagon. I love him for how brave and selfless he is. I know that he could be doing much worst things and there are many other ways that he could be helping, but in order for things to work properly, every person needs to do their part, and he is doing his part for sure. Here's to the many troops and the families who also serve behind them.
Dear Deployment,
Today is the day that caused Zach's deployment, today I am proud to be married to him. He makes me so happy and I love him more than I ever imagined I could love someone. I didn't know what love was before I met him. Now I truly know what it feels like to be in love, and I will wait for him, forever if I have to. Love, Elsa...
The morning of September 11, 2001, I got up for school promptly at 7:14 am, as I did every morning. Of course however, I lay in bed until at least 7:30 am and ended up rushing to get dressed and out the door. Since we are on Alaska time, the towers hit before I woke, and I didn't watch the news, but I knew that something was wrong when I got to school. The mood was different, people were lugging around, and the teachers looked nervous. Soon after we got to our first class, our teacher said that instead of doing math this morning, we were going to join the other kids in the science room. I don't think any of us knew what was going on yet. We crammed into the classroom next door, and the teacher brought in a huge TV. Really, it wasn't that huge, but I remember thinking "wow, what a big TV" They turned it on and we saw what was happening. At first, I thought "who cares, it's not that big of a deal, planes crash all the time" but then I realized what was really going on. I realized that this was an attack, and not an accident. I realized that the amount of people who died was much greater than just two planes full. I quickly prayed and then without even realizing it, I was crying. I was quietly crying, crying for all of the poor kids who lost their parents, parents who lost their kids. I cried because I couldn't imagine even knowing someone who lost their life in the horrible event. I am and always have been sensitive to other peoples' feelings, so watching something like that really got to me. For months I prayed and thought about the families of those who died. Still to this day, I think about how horrible it was.
I have said and will say over and over and over again that I love my husband, and I am SO PROUD of him. Especially on a day like today, where so many people gave their lives to try and save others. He is in Iraq today because of the attacks on the twin towers and pentagon. I love him for how brave and selfless he is. I know that he could be doing much worst things and there are many other ways that he could be helping, but in order for things to work properly, every person needs to do their part, and he is doing his part for sure. Here's to the many troops and the families who also serve behind them.
Dear Deployment,
Today is the day that caused Zach's deployment, today I am proud to be married to him. He makes me so happy and I love him more than I ever imagined I could love someone. I didn't know what love was before I met him. Now I truly know what it feels like to be in love, and I will wait for him, forever if I have to. Love, Elsa...
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
happy days
Today is a good day. I found out that I have a job interview on Friday morning at nine. I also found a new winter jacket! I am very excited about the job interview, if it goes well, I may even get to start working as soon as next week, which makes me happy.
Hopefully once I start working, we can pay off all of our bills, and then I can start saving for our WEDDING ceremony!! I decided that we will be having a very small and personal vow renewal in Anchorage. Then our reception will be bigger with all of our friends and family. This way, we will be saving money, but we will still get to have the wedding we always wanted. I am very excited to start planning and I am especially excited to pick out a dress! I have to say, that I was that little girl that would dream about her wedding and say that I am gonna wear this and we are gonna do this and there will be these people there. I married Zachary because I am madly and deeply in love with him, however, since he was joining the army, we got married sooner and without much planning. My parents and family and a few close friends came to the court house in Kotzebue for the wedding. I could not have been a happier blushing bride in my blue jeans and mukluks. That, however, didn't end my dream about having a real wedding. At first I wanted a huge giant grand wedding where there were hundreds of people and a huge dress and lights and all kinds of crazy things. I went back and fourth between all kinds of different ideas, but what really stuck with me was my grandmother's backyard. It isn't very large, however it's romantic and beautiful! After realizing that a wedding isn't about all of the people and glitz and presents, I decided that having a small family wedding would be perfect for us. I do however want to have a nice big reception with pretty flowers and a huge cake! There are some things a girl can't give up right? Even though I would be perfectly happy not having a wedding ceremony, I am very very excited for this. Zach will have just come home from his deployment, which I think will make it extra special, since he will have not seen a lot of his family in almost two years! Enough about the wedding that will happen next year.
Rea has been talking, a LOT more than before. She is saying words I didn't even think I taught her! She is so smart, it drives me crazy sometimes, but I love her all the same! Her dad would be so proud, I try to video as much as she will let me, but she gets shy in front of the camera. She also is picky about what she says in front of who. The other day we were visiting Maija, and she wouldn't say "buck buck buck" and flap her wings like a chicken, which she does ALL the time running around our house! She had also done it in front of Dean and everyone else, but she would NOT do it for Maija! Yesterday, I gave her a little bowl of cheese its while she was watching TV. I was browsing the internet and just hanging out, before I knew it she was sleeping!! With a cheese it in one hand and the other hand in her bowl! It was the cutest thing, I love moments like that. I just wish her daddy was here to see it!
Dear Deployment,
Because of you, Zach can't see our daughter grow right in front of his eyes. He has to rely on the internet and phone to keep up with her. Something happens everyday, shoot, something happens every hour that I would have wanted him to see. Even though he isn't here physically, he is always there for me emotionally. I am so lucky to have a man like him in my life, not very many people get so lucky. You can't ruin the relationship between us, and we will always back each other up. Love, Elsa..
Hopefully once I start working, we can pay off all of our bills, and then I can start saving for our WEDDING ceremony!! I decided that we will be having a very small and personal vow renewal in Anchorage. Then our reception will be bigger with all of our friends and family. This way, we will be saving money, but we will still get to have the wedding we always wanted. I am very excited to start planning and I am especially excited to pick out a dress! I have to say, that I was that little girl that would dream about her wedding and say that I am gonna wear this and we are gonna do this and there will be these people there. I married Zachary because I am madly and deeply in love with him, however, since he was joining the army, we got married sooner and without much planning. My parents and family and a few close friends came to the court house in Kotzebue for the wedding. I could not have been a happier blushing bride in my blue jeans and mukluks. That, however, didn't end my dream about having a real wedding. At first I wanted a huge giant grand wedding where there were hundreds of people and a huge dress and lights and all kinds of crazy things. I went back and fourth between all kinds of different ideas, but what really stuck with me was my grandmother's backyard. It isn't very large, however it's romantic and beautiful! After realizing that a wedding isn't about all of the people and glitz and presents, I decided that having a small family wedding would be perfect for us. I do however want to have a nice big reception with pretty flowers and a huge cake! There are some things a girl can't give up right? Even though I would be perfectly happy not having a wedding ceremony, I am very very excited for this. Zach will have just come home from his deployment, which I think will make it extra special, since he will have not seen a lot of his family in almost two years! Enough about the wedding that will happen next year.
Rea has been talking, a LOT more than before. She is saying words I didn't even think I taught her! She is so smart, it drives me crazy sometimes, but I love her all the same! Her dad would be so proud, I try to video as much as she will let me, but she gets shy in front of the camera. She also is picky about what she says in front of who. The other day we were visiting Maija, and she wouldn't say "buck buck buck" and flap her wings like a chicken, which she does ALL the time running around our house! She had also done it in front of Dean and everyone else, but she would NOT do it for Maija! Yesterday, I gave her a little bowl of cheese its while she was watching TV. I was browsing the internet and just hanging out, before I knew it she was sleeping!! With a cheese it in one hand and the other hand in her bowl! It was the cutest thing, I love moments like that. I just wish her daddy was here to see it!
Dear Deployment,
Because of you, Zach can't see our daughter grow right in front of his eyes. He has to rely on the internet and phone to keep up with her. Something happens everyday, shoot, something happens every hour that I would have wanted him to see. Even though he isn't here physically, he is always there for me emotionally. I am so lucky to have a man like him in my life, not very many people get so lucky. You can't ruin the relationship between us, and we will always back each other up. Love, Elsa..
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Happy Birthday Baby Jamsey!
Thursday was Rea's best friend James' birthday! He turned one, he's much smaller than Rea, however, they get along great! They share EVERYTHING, toothbrushes, bottles, sippy cups, you name it, they share it. Today we had his "birthday party" and it wasn't much of a party, but he's only one and he had a wonderful time eating spaghetti and then chowing down on a cupcake. Rea also enjoyed making a mess of herself. Soon after Rea smashed her cupcake into her chest, she threw a fit because she was so dirty. I rinsed her off in the sink and then took her up to the tub. Tanya wasn't too far behind me with Jamsey. They splashed and laughed and splashed and laughed. It was one of the cutest things EVER! Tanya and I laughed the entire time they were playing. This was Rea's first bath with a BOY! I don't believe it's her last either. Now, she's out on the tundra picking tea. Her auntie Tyne wanted to take her, she along with Ariana, Susan, and Mary Sue. I am eating granola with yogurt and enjoying the empty (besides dogs) house.
I haven't heard back about the job I applied for yet, which makes me nervous. I really would love to work back at TANF. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a program through Maniilaq that provides money for families who have children and cannot financially support them. It's not only a program that gives money out, it helps those families get back onto their own two feet. I will be very disappointed if someone who gets the job, doesn't really CARE about the well being of the people and just wants to hand out money. There have been people who didn't care, and just handed out money, which wasn't only partially illegal, but it was immoral. I am the kind of person who gets sick to my stomach seeing people who don't know how to apply for a job, or can't provide for their family because they don't have someone to push them in the right direction. I just want to help.
Today is also my brother in law Dean's birthday! I won't mention how old he is, but I can say that he's the best brother I could ever ask for! Rea simply adores him, and I swear they have their own little language or understanding of each other. I love how he melts around her, and she gets so excited when she sees him. Also, Zach loves him. I swear if he could choose between seeing Dean and seeing me, he might really consider seeing Dean instead! So thank you Dean, for being an awesome brother in law, and for making my biggest sister happier than I have ever seen her! We love you
Dear Deployment,
As for you, I don't thank you and I don't like you. I do however know that because of you, my husband and I have a better marriage, and I know that when he comes back, we will be stronger than ever. Once we get through this, we will be able to get through anything. Love, Elsa...
I haven't heard back about the job I applied for yet, which makes me nervous. I really would love to work back at TANF. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a program through Maniilaq that provides money for families who have children and cannot financially support them. It's not only a program that gives money out, it helps those families get back onto their own two feet. I will be very disappointed if someone who gets the job, doesn't really CARE about the well being of the people and just wants to hand out money. There have been people who didn't care, and just handed out money, which wasn't only partially illegal, but it was immoral. I am the kind of person who gets sick to my stomach seeing people who don't know how to apply for a job, or can't provide for their family because they don't have someone to push them in the right direction. I just want to help.
Today is also my brother in law Dean's birthday! I won't mention how old he is, but I can say that he's the best brother I could ever ask for! Rea simply adores him, and I swear they have their own little language or understanding of each other. I love how he melts around her, and she gets so excited when she sees him. Also, Zach loves him. I swear if he could choose between seeing Dean and seeing me, he might really consider seeing Dean instead! So thank you Dean, for being an awesome brother in law, and for making my biggest sister happier than I have ever seen her! We love you
Dear Deployment,
As for you, I don't thank you and I don't like you. I do however know that because of you, my husband and I have a better marriage, and I know that when he comes back, we will be stronger than ever. Once we get through this, we will be able to get through anything. Love, Elsa...
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
ZUMBA!
Zumba recently started up here in northwest Alaska, and let me tell you. I LOVE IT. I live for this kind of thing. I have never been the type to go and workout everyday, except during high school sports, when I was at practice every single day. Lately though, zumba has been the highlight of my day! If you know me personally, you know that I LOVE to dance. When I was in college, the only classes I really honestly made it to every week were my dance classes. I begged and begged everyone to come dancing with me every weekend and my sisters and I are probably the ONLY ones who can go to Lion's Club sober on Saturday night and have loads of fun. When I do zumba, I feel liberated, I feel like I belong when I am dancing, and really it doesn't feel like a workout to me. It doesn't feel like I have to try, I just have true and honest fun! Yesterday was an especially fun day, since I had such a crappy day to begin with. I met up with Kristen and her mom and Stephanie at zumba and even before the workout started, we were laughing and having a good time. Kristen and Stephanie always get a kick out of how I do things, because I get so into it, and if you are in my way, I apologize, because I don't notice. I don't notice, which also means I probably bump, or swing my arm out and accidentally hit you. I don't mean it.. it just happens. There are a couple of things that I do really over the top, and dancing is one of them. I can dance and dance and dance, like the energizer bunny. Sometimes when zumba is over, the first song comes back on and I feel like doing the workout all over again. People ask if I ever get tired of dancing, are you freaking kidding me?! I never get tired of it. I dance all over the house, while I am cleaning, while I am cooking, when I am in the shower. Basically any chance I get, I am dancing. Ariana thinks its funny, and usually it is funny, but really, it keeps me sane! On Saturday, we went to Lion's Club and danced the night away, it's such a stress reliever. My cousin Charlotte asked how I had so much energy, and really I have no idea, because I don't stay up very late, but I rarely sat down. I never felt tired either. Call it what you wanna call it, but I am a dancer through and through.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
always pray for those who truly need it
well hello (=
I know it's been weeks since I the last time I wrote. I have been home, feeling like i'm going a million miles an hour and since I usually am only on my phone I don't write enough. I have been needing to write though, a friend of mine reminded me on facebook today that I should write. She's absolutely right, I should be writing everyday, or at least every time something happens. In the last few weeks, I have been babysitting my cousin Josie's baby, Saima. She is four months old, and don't get me wrong, she's SUPER cute. But she cries a lot more than Rea did. I couldn't imagine her being my own kid. I recently applied for a real job at Maniilaq though and I am really hoping that I get it. It will be a nice change to have to get up every morning at the same time and not have to be around Rea 24/7. Also, we will be able to save more money!
Lately, I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself, even though I shouldn't be. I am reminded daily that there are people who have it a lot worst than I do. Recently a friend of mine got run over by a truck and broke a lot of bones and was in critical condition. I have been praying for her. I also spoke with a guy who's girlfriend miscarried her baby, he explained how she had to go through labor and push him out. He watched the whole thing, not being able to help her in pain. I'm sure if he could have, he would have traded her places. I prayed for them. A new mother and her baby were in a car accident in Killeen, the mother did not survive and the father of the baby is trying to come home from Iraq. I am praying for them. Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, I remember that there are people who have it a lot worst than I do. yeah, I don't get to see my husband for a year, but he's alive. I get to speak to him, he gets to see me and Rea on Skype. Really, I am pretty lucky to have a husband who really truly loves me and my daughter. We are lucky to have friends and family who support us 100%.
Other than trying to get a new job, I have been doing well. Rea has been pretty fussy, I think she's getting her last few teeth. It's driving me crazy though. I have been having some really rough dreams. Last night, I had a dream that I was sleeping somewhere with Rea and someone broke into the house and was gonna rape me. I fought it but he managed to give me a two cuts. One on my stomach, from under my belly button to under my boob, and one on my right arm. In my dream, Rea slept through everything, and when the guy left, I was laying in my bed, motionless, crying because there wasn't anything I could do. I am always afraid of dying, with Rea around and no one finding us until it's too late for her too. Especially when Zach was gone and I was still in Texas. I was always worried about Brittany and Chrissy too, since both of their husbands were gone and they both have kids the same age as I do. I woke up, sweating and crying. It didn't help that Magnus was whining to go outside even though I had let him out an hour and a half before, and Fritz was whining downstairs, as she had been all night. Irritated, I drug myself out of bed and pulled Magnus back up the stairs, put the gate back up, and went back to bed. Even though I was terrified that I would have the same dream again. Though I didn't have the same dream, Ariana and I were in a city, i'm not sure where, and we were lost. The dream went on and eventually she was lost from me and I was wondering around looking for somewhere to go. My dad told me he has a lot of dreams about being lost as well. I wonder if it means something. After a long long night, Rea woke up extra early, because she could hear Magnus, and after dragging out getting up as long as I could, we went down stairs and I fed and watered the dogs. Soon after feeding and watering the dogs, I put Magnus outside and Rea and I walked home. I amaqed her. Which means I put her on my back, with a jacket that fits both of us in it. It's pretty muggy and ugly out. It's not too cold, which is nice, but it has been raining on and off for a couple of days. We got lucky and didn't get rained on.
Once we got home, I let Rea watch her morning cartoons and we relaxed. Since I was especially tired, I was hoping that she would fall asleep, but I never got that lucky. I was in and out of sleeping while she was laying down with me, but every time I thought she might be sleeping, she would move and we would both be up. After many failed attempts at putting her to sleep, I finally gave up and checked facebook and to my surprise, Zach was online and he had sent me a number of messages. I was happy that I got to talk to him and it brightened my day a bit. He makes me so proud. He makes me so content with my life, even when it's super crazy. So after flighting with Rea to nap, and talking to Zach, I gave up and asked my sister Saima to watch Rea for a while so I could nap. She picked her up around one and I made a cake in the microwave and put a load of clothes in the wash. Then I went into my room and shut the door. I slept for a little over an hour and only woke up because Saima had texted me asking if I was ready for Rea to come home. I quickly got up and into the shower. Rea was playing in the living room by the time I got out, but it was a really good shower! Remember the cake I made in the microwave? Well I am an at home Tupperware consultant, which means I have lots of Tupperware gizmos and gadgets. One of them happens to be a microwave oven. Which means I could cook things that should normally be baked in the microwave for a fraction of the time. I baked a store bought cake in the microwave in eight minutes! With no waiting for the oven to preheat. It tastes just like regular cake and some will even argue that it is more moist. I had planned on making cake balls for our house, but after a chocolate melting fiasco I decided I kivit, and I am making Ariana finish them! After the cake balls, we are gonna go for a ride and then I am gonna pick up Maija's car. Then it's ZUMBA time!! I love doing zumba, it keeps me sane!
Dear Deployment,
You suck, today you threw a bunch of crap at me, and even after feeling like crying, I didn't and I am now in a good mood. Lets just hope you are shorter, rather than longer okay? I would really appreciate that. Rea is growing everyday and needs her daddy around. She loves and misses him everyday, as do I. These next couple of days I will be waiting for a phone call for some work. Once I start really working, you will go by faster. Love, Elsa...
I know it's been weeks since I the last time I wrote. I have been home, feeling like i'm going a million miles an hour and since I usually am only on my phone I don't write enough. I have been needing to write though, a friend of mine reminded me on facebook today that I should write. She's absolutely right, I should be writing everyday, or at least every time something happens. In the last few weeks, I have been babysitting my cousin Josie's baby, Saima. She is four months old, and don't get me wrong, she's SUPER cute. But she cries a lot more than Rea did. I couldn't imagine her being my own kid. I recently applied for a real job at Maniilaq though and I am really hoping that I get it. It will be a nice change to have to get up every morning at the same time and not have to be around Rea 24/7. Also, we will be able to save more money!
Lately, I have been feeling pretty sorry for myself, even though I shouldn't be. I am reminded daily that there are people who have it a lot worst than I do. Recently a friend of mine got run over by a truck and broke a lot of bones and was in critical condition. I have been praying for her. I also spoke with a guy who's girlfriend miscarried her baby, he explained how she had to go through labor and push him out. He watched the whole thing, not being able to help her in pain. I'm sure if he could have, he would have traded her places. I prayed for them. A new mother and her baby were in a car accident in Killeen, the mother did not survive and the father of the baby is trying to come home from Iraq. I am praying for them. Every time I start to feel sorry for myself, I remember that there are people who have it a lot worst than I do. yeah, I don't get to see my husband for a year, but he's alive. I get to speak to him, he gets to see me and Rea on Skype. Really, I am pretty lucky to have a husband who really truly loves me and my daughter. We are lucky to have friends and family who support us 100%.
Other than trying to get a new job, I have been doing well. Rea has been pretty fussy, I think she's getting her last few teeth. It's driving me crazy though. I have been having some really rough dreams. Last night, I had a dream that I was sleeping somewhere with Rea and someone broke into the house and was gonna rape me. I fought it but he managed to give me a two cuts. One on my stomach, from under my belly button to under my boob, and one on my right arm. In my dream, Rea slept through everything, and when the guy left, I was laying in my bed, motionless, crying because there wasn't anything I could do. I am always afraid of dying, with Rea around and no one finding us until it's too late for her too. Especially when Zach was gone and I was still in Texas. I was always worried about Brittany and Chrissy too, since both of their husbands were gone and they both have kids the same age as I do. I woke up, sweating and crying. It didn't help that Magnus was whining to go outside even though I had let him out an hour and a half before, and Fritz was whining downstairs, as she had been all night. Irritated, I drug myself out of bed and pulled Magnus back up the stairs, put the gate back up, and went back to bed. Even though I was terrified that I would have the same dream again. Though I didn't have the same dream, Ariana and I were in a city, i'm not sure where, and we were lost. The dream went on and eventually she was lost from me and I was wondering around looking for somewhere to go. My dad told me he has a lot of dreams about being lost as well. I wonder if it means something. After a long long night, Rea woke up extra early, because she could hear Magnus, and after dragging out getting up as long as I could, we went down stairs and I fed and watered the dogs. Soon after feeding and watering the dogs, I put Magnus outside and Rea and I walked home. I amaqed her. Which means I put her on my back, with a jacket that fits both of us in it. It's pretty muggy and ugly out. It's not too cold, which is nice, but it has been raining on and off for a couple of days. We got lucky and didn't get rained on.
Once we got home, I let Rea watch her morning cartoons and we relaxed. Since I was especially tired, I was hoping that she would fall asleep, but I never got that lucky. I was in and out of sleeping while she was laying down with me, but every time I thought she might be sleeping, she would move and we would both be up. After many failed attempts at putting her to sleep, I finally gave up and checked facebook and to my surprise, Zach was online and he had sent me a number of messages. I was happy that I got to talk to him and it brightened my day a bit. He makes me so proud. He makes me so content with my life, even when it's super crazy. So after flighting with Rea to nap, and talking to Zach, I gave up and asked my sister Saima to watch Rea for a while so I could nap. She picked her up around one and I made a cake in the microwave and put a load of clothes in the wash. Then I went into my room and shut the door. I slept for a little over an hour and only woke up because Saima had texted me asking if I was ready for Rea to come home. I quickly got up and into the shower. Rea was playing in the living room by the time I got out, but it was a really good shower! Remember the cake I made in the microwave? Well I am an at home Tupperware consultant, which means I have lots of Tupperware gizmos and gadgets. One of them happens to be a microwave oven. Which means I could cook things that should normally be baked in the microwave for a fraction of the time. I baked a store bought cake in the microwave in eight minutes! With no waiting for the oven to preheat. It tastes just like regular cake and some will even argue that it is more moist. I had planned on making cake balls for our house, but after a chocolate melting fiasco I decided I kivit, and I am making Ariana finish them! After the cake balls, we are gonna go for a ride and then I am gonna pick up Maija's car. Then it's ZUMBA time!! I love doing zumba, it keeps me sane!
Dear Deployment,
You suck, today you threw a bunch of crap at me, and even after feeling like crying, I didn't and I am now in a good mood. Lets just hope you are shorter, rather than longer okay? I would really appreciate that. Rea is growing everyday and needs her daddy around. She loves and misses him everyday, as do I. These next couple of days I will be waiting for a phone call for some work. Once I start really working, you will go by faster. Love, Elsa...
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
FINALLY!
I finally have the energy to blog today. I finally didn't fall asleep doing something. I finally can give you an overview of my trip (= Sorry in advance if it's a bit jumpy aroundy.
Our road trip from Texas to Alaska was a blast. There was lots and lots of driving. Lots and lots of farms, lots and lots of trees and not nearly enough sleep! We drove into Dallas, spent the night there, dropped off Saima and Rea at the airport at 5 am and then went back to bed! Maija had an appointment at 11 am to get her passport. Then we had to wait for it to process or whatever. So we didn't get out of Dallas until around 3 pm. We had planned on driving all the way to Denver Colorado, which meant we would have been driving until around 3 am. But, we started seeing tons and tons of lightening. So we ended up stopping in a little town near the boarder of Texas and New Mexico, Dahlart. It had a strong smell of cat pee. Every where! Our hotel room wasn't bad though, mostly it stunk right outside the hotel doors.
On the second day, we drove through the boarder of Texas and New Mexico, and then New Mexico and Colorado. In Colorado we stopped in Denver to visit Lucy Boyd, who was Miss Arctic Circle when I was running for Miss Teen Arctic Circle! She cooked us a HUGE musk ox and gravy dinner. Then we had smelts and seal oil and a whole bunch of other food for the native soul! We ended up spending a couple of hours over there and then got back on the road and crossed the boarder into Wyoming. We had planned on driving until around 1 am, but when we found out that recently married Mary Ann Goff, just moved into the next town we were driving through. So we stopped and stayed at her house for the night. We shared lots of laughs and stories from her wedding.
Day three, we only got into Montana. Day three was not exciting, we just drove... and passed farm after farm after farm. In Montana we had planned on going out, but ended up only going to Applebees and then going home and going to bed because we were way too tired!
On the fourth day, we crossed the boarder into Canada! Canada is beautiful and we were awestruck at everything. I will be honest when I say that I can't remember exactly where we stayed each night in Canada, but I do know that we stayed in Whitecourt, Fort Nelson, and the car... I also don't know exactly how many days we were there. I was extremely tired, and I can hardly remember things anyway! In Canada we ran into a family that is from Kotzebue, the Hully's! It was awesome because after we had seen them we started following them and it took a lot of stress off of our shoulders. We stopped at the hotsprings and whirlpool and a fancy little cabin near a lake. Canada is beautiful. It reminds me a lot of Alaska.
Anyway, we are back and alive. I am super sleepy. Hopefully I can catch up on sleep more and blog more often. But for now I am good.
Dear Deployment,
The last couple of weeks or days or however long it's been since I wrote, I win. I ruled you. I passed my one month mark, which makes me super proud! I also got to skype with Zach for the first time, which was AMAZING!! Anyway, you suck and I am tired. Love, Elsa...
Our road trip from Texas to Alaska was a blast. There was lots and lots of driving. Lots and lots of farms, lots and lots of trees and not nearly enough sleep! We drove into Dallas, spent the night there, dropped off Saima and Rea at the airport at 5 am and then went back to bed! Maija had an appointment at 11 am to get her passport. Then we had to wait for it to process or whatever. So we didn't get out of Dallas until around 3 pm. We had planned on driving all the way to Denver Colorado, which meant we would have been driving until around 3 am. But, we started seeing tons and tons of lightening. So we ended up stopping in a little town near the boarder of Texas and New Mexico, Dahlart. It had a strong smell of cat pee. Every where! Our hotel room wasn't bad though, mostly it stunk right outside the hotel doors.
On the second day, we drove through the boarder of Texas and New Mexico, and then New Mexico and Colorado. In Colorado we stopped in Denver to visit Lucy Boyd, who was Miss Arctic Circle when I was running for Miss Teen Arctic Circle! She cooked us a HUGE musk ox and gravy dinner. Then we had smelts and seal oil and a whole bunch of other food for the native soul! We ended up spending a couple of hours over there and then got back on the road and crossed the boarder into Wyoming. We had planned on driving until around 1 am, but when we found out that recently married Mary Ann Goff, just moved into the next town we were driving through. So we stopped and stayed at her house for the night. We shared lots of laughs and stories from her wedding.
Day three, we only got into Montana. Day three was not exciting, we just drove... and passed farm after farm after farm. In Montana we had planned on going out, but ended up only going to Applebees and then going home and going to bed because we were way too tired!
On the fourth day, we crossed the boarder into Canada! Canada is beautiful and we were awestruck at everything. I will be honest when I say that I can't remember exactly where we stayed each night in Canada, but I do know that we stayed in Whitecourt, Fort Nelson, and the car... I also don't know exactly how many days we were there. I was extremely tired, and I can hardly remember things anyway! In Canada we ran into a family that is from Kotzebue, the Hully's! It was awesome because after we had seen them we started following them and it took a lot of stress off of our shoulders. We stopped at the hotsprings and whirlpool and a fancy little cabin near a lake. Canada is beautiful. It reminds me a lot of Alaska.
Anyway, we are back and alive. I am super sleepy. Hopefully I can catch up on sleep more and blog more often. But for now I am good.
Dear Deployment,
The last couple of weeks or days or however long it's been since I wrote, I win. I ruled you. I passed my one month mark, which makes me super proud! I also got to skype with Zach for the first time, which was AMAZING!! Anyway, you suck and I am tired. Love, Elsa...
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